The Covert Ops of Valentine's

Now no one loves love more than I do, but wishing me a Happy Valentine’s Day is like wishing me Happy Kwanza. I don’t celebrate it. Single or in a relationship, I never have. To me, it doesn’t exist, like someone having a “Dinosaur Day”. It’s a stupid day, and arguably with subtle underlying messages of control to be honest. Just on the women’s side of this, I’ve heard and seen enough to hold a theory that the majority who really take this day seriously hold a “Seek, Kill, or Destroy” plan that’s usually meticulously laid out. I’ll explain while not advocating any of these…

1. Single? … SEEK
Ex: Go to a “Single’s Night” somewhere or out with your other man-hating gff’s in the tightest thing you own, act obnoxious and get the attention you’re so desperately craving with your “love me for my mind” behavior.
(Beware: Grade-A douchepiles are already 3 steps ahead of this well worn-out plan and are anxiously waiting you. They smell fear, disparity, daddy issues, and anything Calgon from a mile away. You aren’t fooling anyone.)

2. In love but not sure where HE is at? … (over)KILL it.
Ex: Demand the celebration of this “holiday”, drop hints like crazy and just look at him. Then sit back and watch. Does he take initiative? How much? His REactions will tell you all you need to know. If he’s treading water just trying to make you happy, he’s yours, but bets are you don’t deserve him. Now stop being a stupid bitch.

3. Taken but bored, restless, unhappy, whatever? … Destroy.
Ex: Be the most concentrated version of your high ass maintenance self – demanding, whiny, and emotional, then see how he reacts to it. (Everyone knows this girl). Bets are if he’s male, this will send him not just packing but running. You’re welcome.

So here’s my proposition:

Single? … Stay home and indulge yourself in whatever makes you value YOU. I happen to love a really good 7.5% Belgian, shopping, or watching something hilarious.

Taken? … Love me every day, celebrate “us” every day…not just in a grand gesture once every 364 times you think about it. Come home, kiss me on the forehead and tell me something you want to plan for us to do together, just becausssseeee. (Now if our dinner happens to be on February 14th, or around there, fine, but otherwise no thank you.)