Rules for Men in Online Dating

The entire concept of “online dating” utterly fascinates me. People have been meeting the “normal” way for hundreds of years, and somehow we’ve all managed to exist. Yet, how is it that now we are all “too busy” to continue that tradition? I mean, the internet to most men is for pedophiles, porn, and cheating, right? Not “dating”. And how do you “date” over a computer anyway? These questions and more would run through my head anytime the topic was brought up and somehow I’d always manage to be the buzzkill and blurt one out. Oops, there went my girlfriend’s fresh excitement for her new profile on EDateaChristianandMingleorFish.com…sorry

However, that’s just one side of the argument. The other side that I can’t deny are the few blissfully happy marriages I have personally witnessed come from this odd new form of interaction. Therefore with skeptical curiosity manning my sails, I decided to look into this phenomena myself and see what I could dig up to either support my argument or shut me up…

First, I’m going to start with a brief story…
Many many years ago, before I became rather an emotional “dude” myself in many ways, I was amidst a frustrated, tear-laced conversation with my dad involving how to communicate with men. Although he has always been completely accustomed to and comfortable talking about “feelings” with his daughter, this didn’t allow me to grow up with a realistic picture or expectation of how women could really talk with men. Simplifying it, he stopped me and gave me some advice that I have not only never forgotten but have continued to pass on to many of my friends in the same boat –

The Equation of Talking to Men =
(Observe)
“When you ___ it makes me feel ___ . If you do not want me to feel ___ , then please don’t ___ . ”

This format for conveying “feelings” to men has worked pretty well for me since and gives them a practical application at the same time. Plus it’s straight-forward, an all-around win for women if you can accomplish it!

~ * ~

I am going to use the same logic for this article, hopefully aiding any men who may read it.

MEN: When you online date, I (and most women) would assume you are looking to actually meet someone. If you do not want to meet someone, please continue to do exactly as the following men have done. However, if you would like to meet someone, do the opposite.

Let’s begin.

~ * ~

It seems that men will put just about anything in pictures with themselves online:
cats
children
beer
dogs
token “hot chicks”
dicks
abs
bros
protein powder
his family
lube (not joking)
gang signs
random musical instruments

I think I speak for all women when I say…

Don’t be:

• The guy who wears his sunglasses in all of his pictures. Are you blind?
• The guy who poses in so many group shots that we don’t know who the f*** you are.
• The guy who always poses with his 1 attractive friend to get girls to click on his page. Ya you know who you are. Don’t use.
• The guy who lies about his age. We can tell.
• The guy who uses an old pic with an ex + crops her out. We can tell.
• The guy who thinks the “Facebook Default outline” = a picture. It doesn’t.
• The guy wearing one of those awful “Keep Calm And … ” shirts. Done.
• The guy who can’t help but pull your pants/underwear/shorts down to the dick line. Look, we know you have one. We aren’t unaware. Just because you’re obsessed with it doesn’t mean we have to be off the bat.
• The guy who’s passed out on a couch with a giant magic-marker dick drawn on your face. 1 this means you’re an idiot and 2 this means you have shitty friends.
• The guy who so over-edits his pictures that they look like something straight off of a Zack Snyder film. #300? Don’t. You don’t have those abs and…we can tell.
• The guy who poses next to a $140-$350k car. It’s not yours, but maybe you’re good at renting things...
• The guy who’s constantly making that “surprised” face. Are you ok?
• The guy who takes all his pictures in his bathroom. I don’t want to see what kind of toilet cover your mom got for you, thanks.

Oh and needless to say – I am not an “online dater” but I had an absolutely amazingly super entertaining time dipping my toe in the pond to put this week’s blog together